As discussed earlier in the week, I experience a phenomenon currently called ASMR – Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response – in which, in response to trigger stimuli, I feel a tingling sensation in the back of my head, coupled with a variety of positive emotional states: comfort, euphoria, or exhilaration depending on the trigger and my state of mind.
This is a daily occurrence for me – multiple times daily in fact – and it’s been so much a part of my normal experience that I never knew anything was out of the ordinary. Since my recent re-discovery of this phenomenon (with Tasha’s lighter tapping), I’ve been reading and experimenting as much as possible. As time’s gone on, and I find new things that trigger me, I’ve come to realize that they’re not ‘new’ things at all – they’re things that have *always* triggered me, to some extent or another.
This has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember – which, granted, isn’t saying much – but almost every time I find a ‘new’ trigger, old memories surface. For example, I was walking through the War Room where Chris was playing music, and the singer’s voice triggered a sudden, intense episode, and I had a fuzzy memory from when I was very young. I was in a room that I think belonged to my Aunt Chris (not really my aunt, but my mom’s best friend from high-school), and there was music on that sounded similar to what was playing in the War Room. I could remember the feeling of that music, and it felt exactly the same as the episode I was having in the present.
I can’t quite describe exactly what’s happening, but my experiences with ASMR, and my realization that it’s been so pervasive in my life, are changing me. I’m making progress in areas of thought where I once believed no progress could be made. My mood has changed drastically over the past couple weeks as well. Overall, I feel different, but in a familiar way – like maybe I’m starting to discover who I really am.
I don’t know how or why ASMR is triggering these changes, or where it’s going. I’m not even sure if ASMR is specifically the culprit – all I know is that an entire world seems like it’s opening up for me – a world that’s been here the whole time, if only I could have seen it.